HOUSE HUNTERS GO UNDERGROUND
This blog was originally posted on my other blog page - http://r-sharma.sulekha.com/blog/posts.htm
Jul 9 2009
HOUSE HUNTERS GO UNDERGROUND
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“What curb-appeal!” Mr. Micro Processor (hubby, i.e.) exclaimed looking at a house, as we were driving around town during one of our expeditions.
“What curb and where is the house?” I wondered. For a house to appeal to any of my vital senses, it needs to be visible first.
“There,” he said, pointing next to the roadside. Barely visible from the ground was a large triangular façade of a Ranch style house.
MP and I were already having our first difference of opinion. I was not keen on a ranch this time around after having lived in one for 14 years. MP had agreed with me and promised never to consider them again.
So where was the difference of opinion you ask? Well, he was still admiring a ranch!
A Ranch style in the US
“You promised not to consider a ranch again,” I complained.
“But I was only admiring,” MP remarked, “What’s wrong in admiring something beautiful? It is only a house, not a girl!”
“Well, I refuse to look!” I stood my ground. In my opinion, looking leads to admiring, this in turn leads to acquiring. MP was breaking the first rule of how to avoid such temptations.
Many homes in this economy are going through foreclosure, which makes them problematic to buy until the legal wrangling is settled. To be safe, MP and I were only considering homes directly listed for sale by owners. We each created a list of desirable neighborhoods and homes. MP emailed one realtor for a personal showing of a home of his choice. The realtor agreed and we set out one evening for a visit. As always, I drove while MP did his superb navigation. We entered a wonderful lush green community of slightly older homes. The homes had unique styles and well kept gardens. Our house in question was once again invisible to my eyes, raising suspicion in my head that it was…maybe….a…Ranch!
Just then, MP started talking incessantly like a seasoned time-share salesman. “You will like this one. It is a custom-built house, 4500 Sq Ft, and the lot size is 20,000 Sq Ft! It has three levels and two wooden decks.”
I knew how much MP loved the word ‘custom-built’. In his opinion, a smart homeowner takes the initiative during the planning and construction of his home, making it long lasting and ‘custom-built’.
4500 Sq Ft on three levels seemed a bit large for any decent vacuum-wielding housekeeper, but at least this was not a Ranch. However, all the craning and wringing of my neck failed to reveal the house’s frontage. For a house with three levels, not even one stood out from the street. So we got down and approached the address. There slowly emerging from the curbside was the very same triangular façade we had seen earlier that week!
“But this is the same Ranch again!” I protested. MP assured me that it was unique, and I should give it a try. “Yes, it is a Ranch from the front, but a three-level from the backside,” he meekly revealed the secret. After seeing a child-like gleam in his eyes, I relented and we walked in. I have to admit, the neat garden in front and a Japanese style deck surprised me. The realtor of the house walked up to us and said subtly, “I have to warn you guys. The inside is a bit out-dated and decrepit.”
Mr. MP is a compassionate person. He is broad-minded and considerate too.
Why all the unnecessary praise at this juncture? Well, I have a point. The words, “out-dated and decrepit” should have been enough of a warning to any ordinary homebuyer! But MP was determined to give this old house a chance to prove itself innocent. So we proceeded inside. The house was built in the early 1970s and had a single owner who was also a mechanical engineer. The elderly man had since moved out of the residence and donated it to a local university, which was now the seller. According to the agent, the owner had built all of the additions during years of interior remodeling. We walked into an odd shaped living room, which immediately led to the kitchen and dining area at a raised level. Every piece of woodwork or framework had a personal touch.
Mr. MP was all starry eyed by now. In his mind, a house built by an engineer with his own two callused hands was an exceptional one. The realtor perceived MP’s intensifying interest by now and revealed one of many hidden secrets about the house. Right next to the kitchen was a hollow pillar through which the previous owner had assembled a mini motorized elevator to haul firewood or any other supplies up from the basement below. With the flip of a switch, one could haul heavy stuff up three stories!
“Interesting contraption, but what use is it for me?” I thought to myself. One look out the window confirmed our doubts that the house actually stood on top of a ravine. There were two large rickety decks in the precipitous backyard. We were on the main floor which was the top floor of this 4500 sq ft house, and we had barely seen 1200 of it. Realtor then took us to the second level of what was turning out to be an upside down design. We treaded downstairs through an eerie tunnel-like staircase. It was dark because the house had not been maintained for six months, and there were no light bulbs in place. The whole house smelled musty and distinctly 1970-ish.
“Don’t worry,” said a soothing voice in the dark. “It has not been cleaned recently, that’s all.”
It was not the realtor speaking! It was actually Mr. MP, who I could sense was in an increasingly benevolent mood. We had descended to the second floor which had a series of windowless corridors leading to the different bedrooms and bathrooms. The corridors were already having a claustrophobic effect on me. The dark, dingy, featureless tunnel was not helpful in distinguishing one room from the other.
After 10 minutes, we had still not covered even half the house! A simple subtraction in my mind told me that 2000 sq ft of the house was still waiting to be discovered…somewhere down in the basement! That was larger than many condos by size! As soon as we set foot in the basement, we noticed that the entire floor was unfinished with exposed wooden beams and pipes crisscrossing the ceiling. There were so many pipes and wires that we wondered what else the eccentric engineer had built down there. To our utter shock and surprise, the man had single-handedly constructed a solar water heater tank under two floors of his house! He had somehow even managed to lift an entire floor up by a couple of inches! The covered water tank was the size of a swimming pool and it supplied heating and cooling to the entire house through a series of pipes. It looked less than 10 years old, which meant that the man had built it in his late 60s or early 70s! He was a gutsy man!
The smell was intense and one look at the tank brought images of a dead cat floating! My curious kitty Poppy did not deserve a house like this! I decided then to walk out of the dungeon and looked around to beckon MP. He however was already bending over the machinery and pumping station in sheer awe and delight! “This is simply amazing! The guy’s a genius!” He was gushing profusely.
It seemed like MP’s benevolence had only increased with every floor’s descent. The basement had plenty of interconnected rooms, each dingier than the previous one. In the darkness, I located the staircase and started climbing back up. Being all alone in the eerie windowless musty corridor, I truly felt lost. There were 6 closed doors in front of me, and I was not able to locate the second staircase to return upstairs! After opening and shutting a few doors, I finally found it and raced back up. I could hear the two men talking from down below for another 10 minutes after which I heard one of them say, “Wait, I think my wife is lost! Ranjini? Ranjini!”
“I AM UP HERE!” I shouted through the firewood elevator shaft, which was the only plausible way for my voice to travel to netherworld.
I knew that this was not the house for us, and convincing MP was going to be a piece of cake; it would not require nagging, coaxing, or bullying tactics!
MP and the realtor came back. MP knew I was not at all pleased.
“Did you see, they even have a wine cellar?” He was trying to lift my spirits. Being a teetotaler, I did not succumb.
The realtor assured me that my reaction was actually similar to what other buyers had expressed.
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Back in the van, MP began lecturing about how an enterprising homeowner could convert it into a palace. Fortunately for me, we were not the enterprising type. We may be engineers, but our handiwork is limited to using screwdrivers and hammers only. This house needed a sane mind and some heavy machinery, preferably the bulldozer type!
“But what about my kitchen pantry,” I asked. A walk-in pantry is one of my basic requirements. It was distinctly absent from this anomalous house.
MP was not willing to accept that an engineer’s house could be that impractical.
“You could always use the elevator shaft as your pantry,” was his brilliant solution.
I could not imagine how a hollow pillar with the motorized lift could solve my pantry issue. He was quick to clarify, “store your spices etcetera in the basement, and haul them up when you want. You do not even have to lift a finger!”
“Really,” I asked, “so when I want some cumin, I walk all the way downstairs three stories, load my cumin packet into the elevator bucket, and then come back up to haul it?” A little sarcasm always helps.
“Don’t worry,” cajoled MP, “I was only suggesting the elevator for rice bags and such other heavier groceries. This home is not for me either. I was just curious, that’s all!”
Phew! Our opinions may be like noses, since we each have one. At least we were finally seeing eye to eye (I to I, that is).
Copyright © 2009 Ranjini Sharma All Rights Reserved
Labels: home buyers, Home Buying, House hunting, r-sharma, ranjini sharma, THE HOUSE HUNTERS
posted by Ranjini Sharma @ 8:57 PM
